Bound to break
by izukiout
Summary: It was easier in middle school.


Hello everyone! This piece I don't think needs much explanation. It isn't an AU–wow, Eli what a surprise–and it doesn't contain a ship either. It's a little something about our angel Shinsou Hitoshi, because I was thinking about him and well, my fingers just did what they do best I guess...

I honestly think I'm abusing my keyboard akajsk but anywho! Back to the story–

I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! Do tell me your thoughts in the comments if you wish to, don't be shy, I'd love to read them!

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I had always known.

I was aware that one day, someday, one of us, perhaps even some of us, would take a turn, take a step to the left or the right, walk away from us and follow a path of darkness and fear, a path where the words guilt and cruelty are forbidden, never spoken and therefore never heard.

It was easier in middle school; so, so much easier. Each of us had their own ambitions, their own fears, their own dreams and nightmares... and it was so much easier to learn to ignore weird gestures and filthy, cold words, words of a snake, words of a fox. It was so much easier to stay calm when I knew that one day, one of us was somewhat bound to run away from us, and hate our society and hate our rulers, our laws, our faith, our minds, ourselves.

It was so much easier because in middle school I was sure of it... I was sure one of us would become a villain. Because in middle school, we weren't sure of what we wanted our future selves to be, we didn't know what it was like to be an adult and making decisions that were to not only affect yourself but society–future societies–as well. We were clueless, and careless, and we didn't know, and so it was so, so much easier to calm my racing heart at the sound of bullying, at the sound of evil itself.

Even though small, evil was always there; it has always been there.

Now, don't get me wrong. We all have a dark side, don't we? We all sometimes lose control and don't care if our words or actions or even thoughts will affect the people around us. We all sometimes get carried away and drown in the adrenaline and the anger and the anxiety and our own tears and so we let go and proceed to act as though we were the representation of the devil himself.

But that one person in our class that will walk away from our path and will wander into the wild, that one woman or man that will leave us and get lost and refuse to let anyone find them... that person won't merely lose control.

They will have no control at all. They will have long drowned, they will have long been stabbed, they will have long been strangled, they will have long been shot. They will have long lost their humanity and their compassion and their sanity.

And that person might even be me. It wasn't that hard to imagine, you know. Their words weren't what kept me up at night, rather, it was the thoughts those words gave birth to; the thorns at my throat, the fingers around my neck, the cloth covering my mouth, all stealing my breath away.

How could you ever be a hero? You look more like a villain than anything. I think you should think about it some more honey, becoming a hero these days isn't easy, you know. With that quirk of yours, you could be the greatest villain of all–for as long as you last anyway–why would even bother to try and become a hero when it clearly just isn't who you are?

But those people didn't know who he was... did they?

And even though he was sure of it, that he wasn't the villain everyone saw him as, that he actually craved to be able to save and stand proud in front of anyone who dared see him as anything less than he was, prove he was worth trying, prove he was worth the praise, prove he was worthy enough to have such dreams, goals which are so common yet almost unachievable.

Hitoshi was sure. He wasn't the villain in his middle school class; had never been.

Yet his very own thoughts would growl, they'd take human form and whisper in his ears; it's who you are, but it wasn't, it's who you're bound to become, but it wasn't, it's the truth, but it was lies. He wasn't the one who would turn around and leave the path, he wasn't the one who would get lost, he wasn't that person who'd become a villain, no he wasn't.

It was so much easier in middle school. In middle school, some wanted to study more after graduating, and some wanted to stop. There were so many wanting to become so many different things, and there was variety.

There was a higher possibility for one of them to find comfort in the pleasure of never going by the rules.

Now he was... in high school, and in high school, it's so much harder than he'd ever imagined.

Isn't it Hitoshi?

UA is a school for those who wish to become heroes. UA is a school for the free and the curious and the disciplined and the wild. UA is a school for those who want to be something more than they'd ever thought they could be. UA is for people like me, and I'd always known.

So, why? Why can't I get it out of my head? Why can't I let go? Why can't I stop worrying so much over it?

It's haunting me, even up to this day. I can't bring myself to focus on anything else than that, should I hear someone talking about me behind my back, should I see something suspicious, should I meet someone mysterious.

That feeling is always there, the feeling that maybe I'm not safe, even here, even in UA, even in the safest yet most dangerous school in Japan. Even now, that I'm more mature and stronger and more fierce and braver and more scared than I've ever been, I still can't help but fear that...

Even though we all claim we want to become heroes, some of us are bound to give up. Whether it should be today, or tomorrow, or years later, we are. We are all bound to break one day. We aren't invincible, we aren't emotionless, we aren't saints.

Some of us will join the dark side; whatever the reason may be, they will. Life, society, reality are unfair, and cruel, and kind, and worst of all, so fearfully and mercilessly unpredictable.

Some of us are bound to break and I know it. Because, in the end, good and evil are two sides of the same coin. The world needs villains as much as it needs heroes, because a human is kind but a human is flawed. Heroes cannot exist if there's no evil to fight up against.

If humans are far from perfect, how can we expect a world where we, humans, are in charge of to be?

Some of us are bound to break and join the dark side; I just hope, I just wish, I just want to believe... that I won't be one of these people. I want to believe that I'll stand strong, and when the claws of the shadows of the trees wrap around my body and wrap around my limbs and wrap around my neck and wrap around my wrist, that I'll be able to break free and keep on walking, and keep on going and keep on saving and keep on loving.

Because I wouldn't be able to take it... I would never be able to live with myself if I ever were to truly become what everyone else told me I would be. I wouldn't accept it, and for the love of God, I wish...

I hope it's worth it.

I hope it's worth being so paranoid as I am, I hope it's worth it to fight despite evil pointing its gun at my forehead.

Some of us are bound to break, yet... I won't be one of them.

So go on evil. Pull the trigger.

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Thank you for reading

I really have no idea how to feel about this— I hope it isn't so bad ;w;


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